My First Real Discipline

So I knew that it wouldn't take me long to earn myself a discipline session.  The next day in fact.  One of my major problem areas- well I had problems right off the bat.  But that is the very reason why I am seeking help.... I obviously haven't been successful correcting my behavior on my own.  I was going to a spanking party a few days later and so we decided to wait for the discipline until after that.  I had no idea what to expect;  but here is how it went:
He greeted me with a hug, then we sat and talked.  We talked.... about a few different things that I can't really even recall but the point is, it wasn't just directly to  "You messed up, now bend over!"  I was very comfortable, relaxed even.  I knew that I could trust him.  We started talking about my problem area and how I messed up a few days in a row.  Per our agreement at our first meeting, I had earned myself quite a lickin'.  There was a scolding without it feeling really like a scolding- I was being reminded of what I already knew.
So he lowered my jeans and I bent over the arm of the couch.  He lowered my panties at that point and started with a warm up with his hand.  I was already squirming and "owing" during this point.  Remember in my previous post I mentioned the "Oh shit!" moment?  Well... this was one of those moments.  And I was a getting anxious because this was the warm up!... with his hand!  I still had more than 50 coming with his belt!!  F*#@!  So he stopped spanking with his hand and started with the belt.... I counted out my first 25.  He asked how I was doing.  I told him it hurt more on the right than the left.... so he switched over to stand on my other side to even things out.  So I counted out my next 25.  There were a few times that it took a lot for me to speak.  Moments where I was in a lot of pain- moments that he would take a slight pause to let me take a breath... and that brief moment also allows me to keep my head- my mental state- in the right spot.  (The mental aspect of spanking for a woman is very in-depth.  I have read about it, but understanding it is very different- it can only come from being there!  But being as in depth as it is, and seeing as how this post is specific to my first discipline... I will post more on that at another time.)  Anyway... he landed the last five or so pretty dang hard.  Much more force as he was finishing up.  He sat down next to me and stroked my hair.  He asked me how I was doing.  Talked a little bit.  I don't know about what... I remember him stroking my hair, I was still bent over the couch, I was so... secure (?).  Remember I also said that I had 2 days of irresponsibility... so I asked if I could go ahead and have half today.  He agreed.  So I counted out 25 more.  Yes, it hurt.  But I made it.  I knew I would.  Even in moments when I thought I couldn't, I knew I could.  He rubbed some lotion on my bottom and pulled my panties up for me.  I stood up and pulled my jeans back on.  He hugged me. 
My journal:
"Similarly to last time, it hurts so, so bad, but you stay right there.  Bent over the end of the couch.... not thinking about anything much but the rise and fall of the strap.  The sensation that shoots through your backside- in every single inch of where that strap has landed.  Thinking about 'I know this is right.  I know I deserve this.  I brought this on myself.' 'That one really hurt... can I seriously take more?'  He is very in tune.  He knows I can.  He detects when I am on the brink of not being able to, and stops very briefly, rubs a little, lets me find my breath... then continues.  Rising and falling.. until our agreed upon level of punishment is met."

Further from my journal-
"I've been very surprised by how much warm-up/ hand-spanking hurts!  The only thing I can figure is that there is not really any 'break' there.  With the strap or belt, there is an (every sooo slight) delay between each strike.  Not so with hand spanking. It is constant hitting.  The belt:  WHACK... (ooww)... WHACK.... (oww!)...WHACK...
The hand:  SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACK  (with a more continuous ooowww!!) 
Seriously... the belt is about ONE every 2-3 seconds.  The hand is SEVERAL per one second.  Maybe this is similar to why I don't like the paddles- the small OTK ones.  the implement itself hurts really bad but there is the added issue of it being non-stop like the hand...."

Hmmm.. so that was my journaling that day.  But that last part makes sense!!  Anyway.. I bruised quite a bit from the belt discipline... more around the outer parts of my butt, near my hips--- from where the belt wraps around, the end of it lands.  I now understand what people mean when they mention that.  There was more stingy-ness and tenderness across the lower part of my butt after our first meeting.  I may mention that tomorrow when we meet.... craziness I know!!  But its what we do.  And yes... tomorrow.

Well... at this point its more like in a few hours.  I have earned myself even worse punishment.  For still not meeting our standards on my problem area but also because I treated my husband like crap the other night.  I was very irritated with him... and justifiably so, he was wrong in his actions... but I had no right to speak to him (yelling was more like it) like I did.  No one should be treated that way, especially someone I love and respect.  My HOH.  And when I mentioned to my mentor that I behaved that way... well, it didn't go over well!  I'm nervous about what this entails!  He will likely give me exactly what any strict HOH would give their wife.... because my husband won't, my Sir will.  I dread it physically... but I want it, mentally.  I want to be held accountable for the way I treated him.  This is what so much of DD is about.  But... that gets back into the mental part again, which like I said, is for another post.... this one is plenty lengthy!

So, til next time....