The First Time

I met with my disciplinarians for the first time a couple of weeks ago- we talked about a lot of things, getting to know each other.  We further discussed my problem areas and how best to address them.  I got my first spanking.  My first spanking as an adult that didn't involve my having to coach (as I did with my husband).  I knew that I would be getting spanked at our meeting.  He showed me all of the different implements he owns and said he would warm up with his hand and then try out the various implements so I could get a "feel" of them, and he could gauge my responses to each.  So that's what we did.  Hand, a couple of smaller wooden paddles/spoons, leather strap, my own belt... and I honestly don't know what else.  I let him know what hurt and what I liked or didn't like about each one.... not that I LOVED any of them!  But I knew that leather I could take, wood is too much.  And the only way I could really explain that is- the leather (strap, belt) hurt but I felt like they were do-able.  The wood-  I feel overwhelmed and would start shutting down mentally almost immediately.  So he spanked a bit- and I even asked for more with the strap or belt.  They didn't want to do too much since it was my first real spanking, it wasn't discipline and I was already bruising.  Here are some notes from my journal later:

"It hurt like a son of a gun!  There's a small part of you that just wants it to stop, screaming in your head 'Oh shit!  I can't do this!'  But you do.  And yet as I sit here- very aware of it- with a different pain than that which is in the moment- not only will I not hesitate to go back, I actually want to be back there."

Then 3 days later:
"The other weird thing is, I simply remember that it hurt REALLY bad, but I can't recall HOW it felt.  Of course it may be different after my next visit during which I will take over 50 with the strap!  I (welcome) that moment though- being bent over the chair or laying across his lap, knowing that someone is going to more than adequately meet my needs- and soundly punish me for my misbehavior."

One thing I told my husband- during a conversation we had the day before my first meeting with my mentors- is that I know that these people are going to discipline me- truly discipline me.  There is no holding back.  My husband holds back... a lot.  And these people are 'experienced' for a lack of better word and know what to do and when to stop, etc.  I know that there will be thorough follow through from them in addressing my wrong-doings.  That drives a different perspective home-  I told him a couple years ago (when we first started discussing DD) that if I knew he was going to spank me for misbehavior that I would likely think twice before doing things!  Well.... there is no doubt that my mentors are going to spank me!!  And spank me good!

So.... that's a bit about the first meeting with them and some of my thoughts.  Nothing too exciting- just my rambling thoughts.